How do I tell my family about my diagnosis?
If you’ve just learned that you have metastatic breast cancer, it can be very upsetting to imagine how you’ll tell your family. It’s completely OK to stop, breathe, and take the time you need before sharing the news. Who you tell and when you tell them is your decision.
When you’re ready to talk with your family, it’s very possible that they may have intense emotional reactions. Since that can increase any stressful feelings you may already have, it can help to choose one close and trusted person to tell first who can be there with you as a support when you share with other family members. Once the people close to you begin to understand and digest what’s happening, together you can start to talk openly about ways they can offer support — whether it’s giving emotional support or helping with day-to-day needs.
On this page, we offer guidance on ways to tell partners, children, and parents about your diagnosis. How you share the news will be different depending on the family member.
How to talk to your partner about your metastatic breast cancer diagnosis
When you tell your partner or spouse about your diagnosis, they may understandably be shocked, overwhelmed, or scared about what life will be like now. This is a significant change for your life and theirs, and each of you needs time to adjust in whatever way works for you. Here are some common partner concerns, and ways to talk about them together:
- Your partner may be worried about whether the diagnosis will impact your ability to handle household responsibilities. Let your partner know what you need. If you can, try to be as specific as possible. For instance, maybe it’s help with laundry or preparing meals. Ask your partner what they need, too. Talk about ways the two of you might be able to enlist the help of other family members or friends with grocery shopping and other tasks to ease the pressure.
- If you haven’t already, invite your partner or spouse to go with you to a doctor appointment so they can understand more about your diagnosis, the kinds of treatment you may have, and side effects that you may experience. Going to appointments and meeting your doctors can help them feel more involved in your care, and can make you feel more connected as a couple.
- Your partner or spouse may also be concerned about physical intimacy and how that may change. It’s not uncommon for partners to feel guilt for wanting sexual connection if you’re not feeling well, or to worry that sex may hurt you. It can help to talk honestly with your partner about how treatment affects your desire for and experience of sex, and to explore new ways to stay physically and emotionally connected. Visit our section on sex and intimacy for more information.
- Schedule regular time to just be together and talk honestly with each other about what’s happening. Let your partner know how you’re feeling emotionally and physically, and ask them how they’re feeling. Just sharing what you’re worried about can bring you closer together.
- Sometimes the changes that come with a serious diagnosis can trigger fear or anger in partner or spouse. If your partner is not responding in a way that feels supportive to you, suggest that the two of you meet with a therapist who works with couples affected by serious illness. This can be a source of support for both of you.